For the past nine months I have been in a constant state of anger, fear, and hopelessness. Though I will never support the MAGA movement, my main issue with them has been the constant “othering” that they so passionately espouse. Ironically, I found myself doing exactly that when I looked at my peers who seemed to not be in a constant state of resistance- I was angry at them too. How can you be enjoying your family and your freedoms, while not acknowledging the world crumbling down around you? Clearly you are not one of us! Additionally, I found myself becoming more aggressive, entertaining thoughts that in prior years would’ve been downright disturbing to consider, while the state of my mental health has been rapidly declining as well. My soul was screaming for a change, as I seemed to have lost touch with the spiritual beliefs that gave my life so much meaning to begin with.
You see, for many years I have felt that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and that we sign up for each life in advance. I also believe that throughout our many incarnations, we will walk in everyone’s shoes at some point. The oppressor will be the oppressed, the baby that dies will also live to be 100, those who seem to have lost touch with their humanity will then live for the benefit of others, and so on. We sign up for hardship because it’s how we learn, grow, and evolve. We continually experience how the other half lives as a karmic justice system of sorts, creating a well-rounded soul, if you will.
As I see it, there is a rhyme and reason for everything that’s ever happened on earth and all that is happening now. From my perspective, it’s important to have empathy, but I also believe we are not here to save others. I feel this way because who am I to say what anyone else signed up for or why? Who am I to say what your path should or should not entail, regardless of how “unfair” or fucked up it seems? It’s not a matter of being uncaring- it simply comes down to me staying in my own lane.
I should note that this belief system is not a free pass to do nothing or stand for nothing; on the contrary, it’s forcing me to reevaluate what my purpose is and how I show up in the world. Additionally, it’s not for me to say how anyone else should show up. Maybe you feel called to fight for democracy. Perhaps you’re simply choosing to get the most peace and enjoyment possible out of each day. I don’t want to judge you for how you’ve chosen to live this life- even if I disagree.
These past nine months I’ve done nothing but judge and in many regards, my high horse has cost me my own self-respect. I’ve often said that if the price you pay for any ideal is your sanity, then the price is too high. It took me living on the edge of it to see how close I’d come to losing it altogether- that said, I’m grateful for introspection and the ability to change course.
Please know this article is merely an exploration of self. It may or may not resonate with you- it also might be upsetting to you. My hope is that we all find our path through these profoundly troubling times. For me, that encompasses deprogramming of ideologies that do not serve me so that I can once again feel good about how I show up in the world.
May we all fulfill our purpose for this life. May we all one day know exactly what that entails and why so that peace, love, and understanding are not only possible, but inevitable.