On the morning of October 15th, I texted Ruby that I would be gone all day, returning at 6pm with Rick to give her her money.
Ruby: “Yay!!! Would you guys give me till 7pm? I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out. I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. I wish only great stuff for you in the future.”
Me: “I can do that. I wish you well too.”
Ruby: “Yay!!!! Sending hugs. Everything will be alright.”
I’d decided to take myself to breakfast and once I was seated, I clicked on my Blink camera notification. Since asking her to leave Ruby had begun constantly taunting me via the camera. This clip was from the night before and it showed her smiling and waving while saying “Hi. How ya doing?” I took it as a friendly FU.
I thought to myself of course her last text was sweet- she thinks she’s getting her deposit money, and shit’s gonna hit the fan when she realizes that’s not happening. That said, it’s certainly optimal for her to be in good spirits while she’s having several people in my house doing her bidding. Just get through this day- that was my mantra.
I spent the day at Rick’s, mostly journaling and failing at not losing my shit. Rick brought me roses when he got home. It was a sweet gesture but sadly, my mind only had the bandwidth to focus on the circumstances that awaited me.
As 7pm approached, I was a bundle of nerves as we drove past the garage. I dreaded the possibility of being surrounded by a group of strangers, arms folded, giving me the evil eye. I was also confused and disheartened to see a bunch of her stuff still in the garage.
As Rick and I ascended the stairs we were greeted by an enthusiastic Ruby and her single friend Aaron, who shook my hand- he seemed like a nice kid. They were in the kitchen cleaning out the fridge. Rick and I immediately began touring the premises and much to our surprise, it was actually pretty clean! We both agreed that it’d probably be best to go ahead and give her the deposit money after all.
Ruby then handed me the keys and garage door opener, but Rick had the foresight to realize if I gave her the money right now, she’d likely leave me with the garage mess. “We’ll come back in about an hour and give you time to clean the garage,” he said. Ruby was clearly shocked, but she agreed nonetheless.
We went and had some celebratory margaritas, and when we got back the garage was spotless. Rick stood by me as I Venmoed her money and confirmed that it was the full amount. She reiterated that she never meant to hurt me and she wished me the best. I said thanks. Good riddance, I thought.
Thinking I’d heard the last from Ruby, I had a session with Aja, my therapist. “I know you can’t diagnose her because she’s not your client, but can you please tell me what the hell I was dealing with, in your professional opinion?”
“Well, given all that you’ve told me, Histrionic Personality Disorder would make sense,” Aja proclaimed. I looked it up the second I left her office.
Traits include: Constant need for attention, shallow and rapidly shifting emotions (the dead body), dramatic behavior, lying to embellish, tending to believe relationships are more intimate than they actually are, and being highly sensitive to criticism or rejection. She checked every damn box!
I later told Aja that given Ruby’s penchant for entitlement, and because she lies to persuade and manipulate, not merely embellish, I believe she has narcissistic tendencies as well. Aja said it’s not uncommon for people with personality disorders to embody characteristics of other disorders. Though I couldn’t change what’d happened, somehow being able to make sense of Ruby and her actions seemed to help quite a bit.
Days after she moved out I found two significant scratches in the door to the deck, damage to the table on the deck- like something had melted part of it, damage to one of the window shade brackets, and damage to the fake plant just below the shade. Also, a knife was missing. I couldn’t prove she was responsible for any of it, but I knew she was. Still, I was glad to be done with her, and Rick assured me he could likely fix all if not most of it.
On October 22nd I received a call from Ruby. Her voice message said an apartment complex would be calling shortly and that I just needed to confirm that she’d paid her rent on time and that she hadn’t trashed the place. I was both shocked and not the least bit surprised that she’d used me as a reference; after all, she was entitled to it was she not?
Unfortunately, the lady from the apartments also wanted to know things like had she ever violated the lease agreement? Yep. Was she clean? Nope. And lastly, would I ever rent to her again? Absolutely not! I explained that I wasn’t trying to sabotage Ruby’s future, but she deserved to know the truth. After all, I might’ve avoided this whole situation had I insisted on asking those same questions about her to begin with. “That’s helpful. Thank you for your time,” she said. I do not know what came of this conversation.
*All that to say, given that I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life and have been very vocal and transparent about my mental health journey, I consider myself to be an advocate of sorts; therefore it has not been my intention to ever make light of Ruby’s struggles, whatever they may be. Though I’ve given accurate accounts of my thoughts and feelings towards her at various times while being on the receiving end of her internal suffering, I truly hope she gets the help she needs and deserves; for her sake and for the sake of those who care about her. I applaud her for getting sober and for overcoming her cancer battle.
May we BOTH create a better next chapter…